Ken Circeo: The View From Building 17

Working for a well-known company is kind of a kick. When the subject comes up in conversation, everyone from the butcher to the baker to the candlestick maker has a preconceived idea about what it's like to work at Microsoft. Having recently celebrated by fifth anniversary as an employee, I finally feel duly qualified to address a few myths.

Myth: All Microsoft employees are rich.

Reality: I'm not rich.

Once upon a time, everyone who worked at Microsoft was rich. Windows was hopping, the stock price was soaring, and regular employees were ordering Ferraris like Seinfeld orders sneakers. That's not true anymore, but, judging from the donation requests that show up in my mailbox, the myth is alive and well. What kind of wild optimism does it take for someone to think that, just because I work for Microsoft, I've got an extra thousand bucks lying around to help save the Longhorn Fairy Shrimp? Microsoft is a fine company; the best I've ever worked for, in fact. But the gravy that flowed so freely when it was a fifteen-year-old wunderkind is kept under tighter guard as the company enters its thirties.

Myth: The software is free.

Reality: Not quite.

Microsoft employees can buy software in the Company Store for pennies on the dollar. When my friends find out about this, the typical reaction is disbelief that the stuff isn't free. Fair enough. After all, free products for employees is pretty much standard policy across the American landscape. Kodak people get free film; Duracell workers get batteries; and don't tell me the Duncan Hines employees aren't driving home with trunkfulls of cake mixes. The difference with Microsoft is that the black market for pirated software continues to thrive. Free software to employees would make it awfully tempting for ne'er-do-wells to pad their pockets on the sly. I'm not sure what the keeps the execs at Duncan Hines awake at night, but I don't think cake mix piracy is high on the list. ("Psst! Hey, bud…sell y' some nice coconut mixes real cheap…")

Myth: Microsoftees get to order new computers at will.

Reality: I wish.

While Microsoft does provide some darn good equipment, I don't get to personally design my office computer system. Like most large companies, Microsoft buys PCs in bulk and distributes them to employees as needed. I've got a pretty nice desktop computer in my office, but what I really want is a Tablet PC. This is no secret in my building. I've lobbied for a Tablet PC ever since Billg started toting one to every event but the National Bridge Championships. And I can see why. A $2,000 Tablet PC makes legal pads a thing of the past. Sure $2K is a pile of cash, but I've figured out some creative displacement to where my Tablet PC won't cost Microsoft a dime. Which leads me to the next myth…

Myth: You can drink all the Coca-Cola you want for free.

Reality: True.

No exaggeration here: Microsoft keeps commercial-grade refrigerators in each building fully stocked with every soft drink and juice you can think of, there for the taking. I figure that in an average day I help myself to about five drinks. (Don't go preaching at me — the juice cans are small.) Given the retail price of soft drinks these days, that's about five dollars a day. See where I'm going with this? If Microsoft will buy me a Tablet, I'll forego my soda pop and juice freebies for a full year. I'll do it cold turkey, like a man. Won't even go near the fridge. The company will save money on drinks and I'll be able to throw away my legal pads. In fact, that's another way I'll pay for the Tablet. I bet I go through two legal pads a week. Heck, a year into my new Tablet and Microsoft would be money ahead!

So if you come to work at Microsoft, come in with your eyes open. You won't be getting chummy with the local Ferrari dealer, but you will get good equipment and cheap software, not to mention all the Coke you can drink. And be sure to look me up. I'll be the one with the brand new Tablet PC tucked safely under my arm.

Talk about a myth.