Ken Circeo: The View From Building 17

When I came to Microsoft, I was well aware that the company had a target on its back. That's just the nature of competition. People are always trying to bring down the top dog, whether it's a software company, a baseball team, or a politician.

For years I'd heard that Microsoft maintained its competitive edge by operating under an attitude of controlled paranoia. Sure, we're huge. Sure, we own the desktop. But if we don't play our cards right, someone could come along and take it all away. Friends who'd left their companies for Microsoft confirmed this perception. Heck, Bill Gates himself told Peter Jennings that "whether it's Google or Apple or free software, we've got some fantastic competitors and it keeps us on our toes." That's quite an admission from a guy who's richer than most countries. If I had $60 billion in the bank, I'd probably assume that I'd trounced any so-called competitors and start looking for a nice modest island to purchase and retire to.

But that's not Gates. And it's certainly not Microsoft.

This paranoia — whether justified or not — may stem from the company's much-heralded innovate mantra. From the rash of unsolicited internal emails that fly across my flat-panel monitor, I can personally attest that Microsoft is continually trying to innovate in three ways: by inventing new technologies (tablet, ERP, digital marketplace), by competing in established markets (Speech Server, Xbox, Zune), and by perfecting its legacy products (Windows, IE, WinServ). You can argue about whether or not we are successful in these attempts. But take my word for it, if we fail, it's not for lack of trying.

In fact, that's one thing I like about working here. Despite its size (now over 70,000 employees) and famously deep coffers, Microsoft insists on constantly evaluating its own position and relevance in the industry and in the marketplace. Never mind that my team shipped two full versions of Speech Server in the last two years. Nice job, guys, but what have you done for me lately? That market share we just captured is vulnerable unless we ship an even better version this year. Around here, agitation is seen as a good thing.

That's why it's so important that I embrace Speech Server's recently announced integration with Office Communications Server. No, it's not what I signed up for. But even I am smart enough to know that it's not about me, it's about what's best for the company and the customer. You don't rest on past laurels and ship a pretty new version of the same product. You evaluate, innovate, and agitate, and then ship the product that will change the world.

Sounds grandiose, doesn't it? It does to me, too. But that's why I came here. The day I leave is the day I hand in my target.

[Updated from Ken's PCMech.com column of 10/7/2004]

So I'm sitting at home reading blogs when my neighbor, Rance, calls and asks me if I can get him a manual for some pirated software he's thinking about buying.

"Surely you're talking about some kind of computer game. Right, Rance? Something where Johnny Depp is hijacking ships all over the place and keeps running into those two dopey guards? I know you're not asking about buying an illegally produced copy of a Microsoft product, because the last time I checked, that was slightly AGAINST THE LAW!"

"Right, right. I knew that," said Rance, who is a programmer for another software company. "But I'm not going to resell the stuff. I just wanted to save a few bucks. A few hundred, in fact. Forget I even asked."

As I hung up the phone, I thought it strange that Rance should call me, a card-carrying Microsoft employee, to aid and abet him in his crime. I guess he figured I had stacks of extra manuals in my office for just such an occasion. ("Which manual was that now? No problem, I've got dozens of those just sitting around...")

In fairness, though, Rance is a straight shooter. He didn't try to snow me at all. In fact, he told me up front that the stuff was pirated. He probably saw one of those enticing spam mails that offers cheap software. You know the kind. They offer name-brand programs at a fraction of the retail price, only there's no manual, no box, no tech support, and the ad looks like it was written by someone who took a crash course in English over the weekend.

"Cheep softwares you can buy for ver ry NOT expensive."

"So TRUE!!! MicroSoft Word for low prrrices!!!"

…and my personal favorite…

"Want to finding softwares? He can get cheap ones hear!"

Of course, not too many people answer these ads. But that doesn't matter much to the spammers because to them it's just a numbers game. They send out so many millions of emails that even a miniscule response rate will bring in thousands of dollars of profit. And what's a guy like Rance to do when faced with spending $500 for a legitimate copy of a program, or buying a bootleg copy for just $100? Sure, he's supposed to ignore the offer, but an 80 percent savings is enough to tempt practically anyone.

Problem is you don't really know what you're getting yourself into when you buy pirated software. Even if you think you can do without the tech support and the book, you may get a setup CD with an invalid serial number which prevents you from installing the program. Happens all the time. The bootleggers already have your payment and you're stuck with a $100 miniature frisbee, and all the time hoping that they don't use your credit card number to go Christmas shopping.

Software piracy costs the industry about $12 billion every year, and big companies like Microsoft and Adobe are more and more aggressively tracking down the bootleggers. Because buying the stuff makes you party to an illegal act, there's always the chance that you could get dragged into court for software piracy. Ouch. A friend in the legal department assures me that this is a serious deal. In describing the company's efforts to hunt down software pirates, he uses words like "perpetrators," "contraband," and "in pursuit," and suddenly I'm regretting not going to law school because his job sounds a whole lot more exciting than mine.

So the answer is no. Don't buy the $10 Rolex from the guy on the sidewalk, don't buy the Godfather trilogy for $15 from a friend of a friend, and don't hand over good money for bad software.

A few days after he called, I saw Rance in the cul-de-sac and he was all smiles.

"Hey, Ken, I didn't get that software. I talked my boss into buying a site license for our company, and once it comes in I'm going to load it onto my laptop. All on the up and up."

"Nice job, silver tongue. You should be in sales."

"Nah, too much competition. You know, with all the piracy."

So I've heard.

[Updated from Ken's PCMech.com article of 1/20/2005]

I don't want to cause a problem. I really don't. I'm not one to go looking for conflict, and I think I'm a pretty nice guy. But sometimes even nice guys have to draw the line. And my new line is this: I DO NOT WANT TO FIX YOUR COMPUTER.

There are more reasons for this than I can list here. So I'll just start with the biggest reason and work my way down until I run out of space.

It always takes longer than you think.
Again, I'm not trying to be a bad guy here, but all you're really giving me are symptoms. I have to perform the diagnosis and administer the treatment. That takes time, and sometimes multiple visits. Who has that kind of time? After work, if I'm not taking someone to the batting cage or gymnastics, I'm home trying to meet a writing deadline. And frankly, if you're smart enough to figure out how to scrape enough money together to buy a computer, then you must be smart enough to spend a little time learning about the thing.

Other people can do a better job.
While it's true that I may know trifle more about PCs than the average user, please don't mistake me for a real technician. Computer technicians are paid to do things  like clean your registry, adjust your page file size, and remove your spyware. I know they charge a lot, but that's because most of them know what they're doing. When you get your computer back from them, the bill is too high but your PC runs better. It's like taking your car to a garage. Same thing. Furthermore, real PC technicians seem to enjoy tinkering with computers. It's like fun to them. One Microsoft guy, Adam, actually smiles whenever he opens the case. It's eerie. I mean, what's there to get excited about? An extra expansion slot? For crying out loud, Adam, it's not a box of Twinkies, it's a computer! Silicon, wires, jumpers, and fans.

But Adam loves it. He's knowledgeable and patient, and, like the mechanic who works all day fixing cars at the garage and all night at home fixing his '68 Charger, Adam has found his passion in life. He proved that last summer when a bunch of us went jet skiing at the lake. It was an expense paid, all-afternoon event.

On the way back, I said, "Anyone know where Adam was? I didn't see him at the lake." To which someone replied, "He said he was going to overclock an old PC."

"Cool," I said, as though the two activities were even remotely comparable. (Hmm, can't decide what to do today…go skydiving or upgrade my hardware drivers.)

The problems are many and varied.
While a PC's core components haven't changed much over the years, the problems introduced by massive applications, multiple peripherals, and (especially) the Internet, have made diagnosing a computer's problems more difficult today than ever before. For example, back in the 1980s, when my PC was running too slow, it probably meant that I had either overloaded my hard drive or needed more RAM to run my applications. Simple stuff, really. Just offload some old programs and see what happens. And while that remedy is still viable today, the modern PC is more likely to be slowed by spyware than by memory thrashing.

So when you say your computer is running too slow, what does that mean? Has it slowed gradually at startup? Do apps take forever to execute? Is it only when you're on the Web? This goes back to the time issue. If I'm going to fix your problem, I need to find it first, and that alone will probably take more time than I've got. Heck, since I bought SpeedUpMyPC, I don't even spend time taking my own computer's pulse anymore.

It's just too awkward when something goes wrong.
This probably deserves to be higher on the list because it's such a big deterrent to my ever making a house call to fix your PC. Let's face it, things happen. Once you turn someone loose on your computer, wires could get yanked, pins could get bent, files could get deleted. And when they do, you want restitution from the responsible party. If that party is me, the conversation goes something like this:

Me: Geez, will you look at that?
You: What?
Me: I thought I saved that file before I changed it, but now I can't find the original.
You: Is it important?
Me: You might say that.
You: Can we get it back?
Me: Do you have a recent backup?
You: Backup?

Then I start apologizing and you start making like it's not a big deal, but we both know that it's best for all concerned if I just leave. That's awkward, man. So why take a chance on putting us in that situation by asking me to fix your PC?

So, yes, I do have a life outside of my job, and, yes, since we're friends, that life does involve you. But instead of making me your friend AND your personal PC fixer, let's keep computers out of it and just stay friends. Agreed?

Working for a well-known company is kind of a kick. When the subject comes up in conversation, everyone from the butcher to the baker to the candlestick maker has a preconceived idea about what it's like to work at Microsoft. Having recently celebrated by fifth anniversary as an employee, I finally feel duly qualified to address a few myths.

Myth: All Microsoft employees are rich.

Reality: I'm not rich.

Once upon a time, everyone who worked at Microsoft was rich. Windows was hopping, the stock price was soaring, and regular employees were ordering Ferraris like Seinfeld orders sneakers. That's not true anymore, but, judging from the donation requests that show up in my mailbox, the myth is alive and well. What kind of wild optimism does it take for someone to think that, just because I work for Microsoft, I've got an extra thousand bucks lying around to help save the Longhorn Fairy Shrimp? Microsoft is a fine company; the best I've ever worked for, in fact. But the gravy that flowed so freely when it was a fifteen-year-old wunderkind is kept under tighter guard as the company enters its thirties.

Myth: The software is free.

Reality: Not quite.

Microsoft employees can buy software in the Company Store for pennies on the dollar. When my friends find out about this, the typical reaction is disbelief that the stuff isn't free. Fair enough. After all, free products for employees is pretty much standard policy across the American landscape. Kodak people get free film; Duracell workers get batteries; and don't tell me the Duncan Hines employees aren't driving home with trunkfulls of cake mixes. The difference with Microsoft is that the black market for pirated software continues to thrive. Free software to employees would make it awfully tempting for ne'er-do-wells to pad their pockets on the sly. I'm not sure what the keeps the execs at Duncan Hines awake at night, but I don't think cake mix piracy is high on the list. ("Psst! Hey, bud…sell y' some nice coconut mixes real cheap…")

Myth: Microsoftees get to order new computers at will.

Reality: I wish.

While Microsoft does provide some darn good equipment, I don't get to personally design my office computer system. Like most large companies, Microsoft buys PCs in bulk and distributes them to employees as needed. I've got a pretty nice desktop computer in my office, but what I really want is a Tablet PC. This is no secret in my building. I've lobbied for a Tablet PC ever since Billg started toting one to every event but the National Bridge Championships. And I can see why. A $2,000 Tablet PC makes legal pads a thing of the past. Sure $2K is a pile of cash, but I've figured out some creative displacement to where my Tablet PC won't cost Microsoft a dime. Which leads me to the next myth…

Myth: You can drink all the Coca-Cola you want for free.

Reality: True.

No exaggeration here: Microsoft keeps commercial-grade refrigerators in each building fully stocked with every soft drink and juice you can think of, there for the taking. I figure that in an average day I help myself to about five drinks. (Don't go preaching at me — the juice cans are small.) Given the retail price of soft drinks these days, that's about five dollars a day. See where I'm going with this? If Microsoft will buy me a Tablet, I'll forego my soda pop and juice freebies for a full year. I'll do it cold turkey, like a man. Won't even go near the fridge. The company will save money on drinks and I'll be able to throw away my legal pads. In fact, that's another way I'll pay for the Tablet. I bet I go through two legal pads a week. Heck, a year into my new Tablet and Microsoft would be money ahead!

So if you come to work at Microsoft, come in with your eyes open. You won't be getting chummy with the local Ferrari dealer, but you will get good equipment and cheap software, not to mention all the Coke you can drink. And be sure to look me up. I'll be the one with the brand new Tablet PC tucked safely under my arm.

Talk about a myth.

Sitting through another Microsoft meeting, a co-worker was bemoaning his wife's insistence on buying a minivan. "I'm just not there," he said. And I knew exactly what he meant, having sailed that ship myself.

Here was my heartfelt response.

You can get through this. You really can. But you need to follow these critical steps:

1) Don’t try to argue SUV over minivan. Unless you’re a frequent off-roader (you’re not), or own a boat that you need to haul around (you don’t), you’re not going to win this argument. That’s because, for most families, minivans are simply more practical than SUVs. Let's face it. The real reason you don’t want a minivan is because it’s too emasculating. Everyone knows that, including your wife. Minivans are made for women. They’re built for families and they’re loaded with air bags. They’re low to the ground for easy access. Some of them even have built-in hooks for carrying grocery bags. They’re slow – just try to find one with a V-8. They’re quiet. They come with TVs and Xboxes. It’s a living room on wheels. An SUV is a garage. Women don’t want to travel in garages.

2) Mentally assign ownership of the minivan to your wife. This is “her car” not “ours.” She’s the one who wants it, not you. And she’s the one who will be driving it 90% of the time. So what do you care? The only time you’ll even have to look at it is when you’re going on vacation, and everyone knows that all fathers get a free pass on vacation anyway. Vacations are crazy! They’re nuts! You go places you normally wouldn’t go and wear clothes you normally wouldn’t wear, right down to the shoes and hat. Think about it…when was the last time you even thought about buying a new hat. You were on vacation, weren’t you? (Baseball caps excepted.) A minivan is like that crazy hat you bought at the Sea World gift store. Perfect for vacation – not much use at home.

3) Let the pragmatist in you take over. I’ve mentioned vacations. As dorky as you’ll feel driving a minivan all over the country – that’s how smart you’ll feel every time you fill up at the gas pump. On average, minivans get 5 MPG better than SUVs. That’s like 100 extra miles per tank. But for me, it’s not so much the money savings as the fact that I don’t have to stop for gas as much. I hate stopping for gas, particularly when I’ve gone through much pain to stake my spot in the traffic flow. On my last vacation, I filled up just five times over 2,630 miles. If I’d been driving my SUV, I would’ve had to stop for gas seven times – maybe eight!

But if you’re the type that needs to see savings in dollars and cents, just price out a top-of-the-line minivan against a similarly equipped SUV. The difference is enormous. I was looking at a “comfortably equipped” Montero for just under $45K. It wasn’t what I wanted (a Land Cruiser) and it wasn’t even loaded (no sunroof, no CD changer), but it was pretty nice. Then I finally let my wife drag me to Ford where she’d picked out a fully loaded Windstar that was just over $30K. Leather, power everything, separate A/C for front and back, separate music channels, the works! The price difference was just too overwhelming. We drove it home.

Reality Check
That was seven years ago, and the Windstar is pushing 120K miles. All-in-all, it’s been great. Very good decision. Do I wish it was a Land Cruiser? Absolutely. Do I still feel silly driving it? Sometimes. It’s just not my “real” personality to drive one, so I let my “dad-husband” personality drive it. My saving grace is that, even after seven years in Minivanland, I haven’t lost my feel for real cars. I haven’t lost my need to pull up to a nice restaurant and hand the valet the keys to my Land Cruiser or Range Rover or Mercedes. But I know that one day, when the kids are gone, I’ll be free to buy the car I really want. And by that time, I’ll be the guy that says: “Minivan? Yeah, I had one of those once.”

Last Friday, I left work in mid-afternoon to begin a weekend baseball trip. But when I walked into my house, I heard this grating "scrape, scrape, scrape" coming from the clothes dryer. Sounded like someone had left a Happy Meal toy in their pocket, or something.

"What's the deal?" I asked my wife.

"It's been doing that all day, but it's not in the clothes, it's in the dryer somewhere. Don't turn it off. I need those clothes for the trip."

"All day? Don't you think we might be causing a bigger problem by running it?"

"What was I going to do? It's drying the clothes. I've just had to put up with that irritating noise all day."

(I stood there thinking of that old joke where the wife tells her husband that she had a flat tire that day. "Oh, I hope it didn't give you too much trouble," he says. "No. It was just that annoying 'thump, thump, thump' all the way home!")

As soon as she went upstairs, I turned the dryer off. Not that I don't trust her, but I wanted to see for myself just to...uh...get a different perspective. I began rotating the drum by hand to see if I could isolate the scraping. Sure enough, it was coming from the right side of the dryer.

Now I'm not the mechanical sort. I don't take things apart. I know myself well enough to know that if any more than two parts are involved, whatever I've dismantled ain't goin' back together. Add a rubber belt to the equation and I might as well be trying to solve Rubik's cube while hanging upside-down in a wind tunnel.

So I played to my strength and got on the web. I went to Maytag.com and clicked on "Find an appliance servicer near you." The next page showed a logo of ServiceMagic and I knew I was in business. ServiceMagic is a household service provider that uses a Microsoft Speech Server application to contact its technicians. It's mostly used as a "push" application, though it does enable customers like me to call in and interact with its voice response system. I chose instead to use their web interface.

I filled out a short form and sent off my request. Within 2 minutes, I received a confirmation email, and less than a minute later, I got another email with the name and number of a local dryer repairman. This was too easy.

I called the guy and he said he could come by in an hour or so. Since I wanted to get on the road ASAP (had a 4-hour drive ahead), I said let's make it Monday morning. 10:00? Perfect.

We had a good weekend at the baseball tournament. My son played well. We took 2nd. (Should've won it all. Had a late 3-run lead in the Final, but just couldn't hold on. I really don't want to talk about it.)

The repairman showed up right on time Monday morning, listened to the dryer, and gave me one of those "I don't like the sound of that" looks that usually translates into large denomination bills. But after about 20 minutes he found the culprit: a loose screw. [Insert your own punch line here.]

He tightened it, put the dryer back together, only charged me for labor and I was a happy man. As I walked him back out to his truck, I asked him how he liked the ServiceMagic system.

"Love it," he said. "I advertise with ServiceMagic and in a local paper and in the phone book. I get a ton more leads from ServiceMagic than the other two combined."

"How about the application that calls your cell phone automatically?"

"That works really well," he said. "It also texts me and sends an email so I can get the lead no matter where I am."

This story is all true, in case you're wondering. If the guy had hated ServiceMagic or the voice application, I'd have said so. But my experience with ServiceMagic and the repairman's experiences were really excellent. And knowing that it was all done using Microsoft Speech Server makes me even more confident that we're building a pretty good product.

Nothing like a little empirical evidence to boost my day.

Cup o' Joe
Every so often, Phil the Coffee Junkie stops by Trader Joe's to check out their coffee selection. This week he picked up a can of their Kauai blend, so named because it's roasted from "premium Arabica beans" that are found on the leeward side of Kauai, Hawaii's wettest island. This morning he brewed it up. "Straight Kauai. No blends today." It tasted like a good medium roast. Good, not great. One of those coffees that smells better than it tastes. Still, it was satisfying in an "I just got a major appliance fixed and it didn't cost me an arm and a leg" kind of way.

Last fall, a co-writer mentioned that we ought to do some video demos for the next version of Speech Server.

"It could really help users learn how to use our tools. You know, like the Speech Log Analyzer. It took me awhile just to figure out what I was doing with that thing, and I even had a head start. With a video, we could just show it."

"Not bad, John," I said. "But we've got no time. There's just too much on our plates right now."

That wasn't true, of course. But any writer whose worth his weight in white out knows that you have to keep a healthy buffer in your schedule to absorb unexpected time-consumers such as feature creep, extra beta releases, and ungrateful self-absorbed tech writers who decide to leave the company in the middle of the production cycle even though they promised they'd be around — and I'm quoting now — "at least until RTM." (Sorry, do I sound bitter?)

Still, I told John it was an interesting idea and that we should think about it, which is Microsoft-talk for "this is never going to happen."

I'm glad to report that I was dead wrong.

Soon afterward, my manager Bob asked me if we'd done anything with the video idea. I went immediately into Costanza mode: "Well, I don't have anything to show you at the moment, but we're kicking around some ideas and I think we'll be storyboarding it very soon."

"Good," he said. "Keep me posted."

So just like that, I was on the video project. I pulled in a few people and we brainstormed for a week or so about the usual video stuff. There was no shortage of questions.

• What should we shoot and how long should it be?
• Should we use an actor or a real person?
• Should we produce them ourselves or pay Microsoft Studios to do it?
• Talking head or screen shots? Or both?
• Is the customer going to download it or stream it?
• Hasn't Office done something like this already? What's their story?
• Who's going to bring the donuts?

This was a new world to most of us, certainly to me. The most videotaping I'd ever done was on a soccer field, and those didn't come out too good. No. That's charitable. They were really, really bad.

But I took ownership of the project and slowly started to believe that it had real value. I found a good screen-movement-capture program, bought a new video camera (w/built in hard disk...SWEET!), and — just about a month ago — John and I shot a prototype of him demonstrating the ins and outs of the Speech Log Analyzer. All in all, it went pretty well, except that we had over 30 minutes of footage — way too much.

So I spent a few days editing out screw-ups and unnecessary pauses. This brought it down to 15 minutes which I thought was still too long, but ok for a prototype. I showed it to Bob and the rest of the team. Nothing but positive comments, so it looks like a Go.

For starters, John and I will have to re-do the Speech Log Analyzer video. The name has been changed to Analytics & Tuning Studio, and we should really use better examples than we used in the prototype. Also, I'd like to try to get it down to 10 minutes, which is about as long as anyone should have to sit through an on-screen technical demo.

But danged if I didn't get the biggest kick out of putting it all together! On the strength of the proof-of-concept, our team compiled a list of more than 20 demo topics. Not sure how many we'll be able to knock out before RTM — probably just a few — but we'll give it our best shot.

Cup o' Joe

Phil the Coffee Junkie was speaking Spanish all morning. I'd figured it was either a carry-over from Cinco de Mayo or just one of his many eccentricities. (I've learned not to ask.) I later discovered that the brewing maestro's flavor of the day was Tully's Compadre. The bag describes it as "floral, sweet, and citrus." While I didn't get that out of it, I very much enjoyed my allotted 6 ounces. Treating it as an espresso, I found it to be strong and stark, enlivening the olfactory senses with its rich amalgam of saturated oak and burgeoning firewisps. Solid.

Ok, I'll admit it. As a tech writer, I sometimes forget that the docs play a supporting role in the overall product, and are probably not the main reason someone buys Microsoft Speech Server.

In my mind, I know this. But when you focus on documentation every day of the year like I do, you tend to think that the doc is the thing, and that the computer program itself is somewhat incidental.

Boss: "How's the new Speech Server release?"

Dev: "The product is fine, I guess. But the docs are fantastic! You've got to read this Prerequisites topic. I couldn't put it down!"

One thing I've appreciated about working for Microsoft is the freedom they give us to innovate. (I know from experience that this is not true with all software companies.) Here we can use audio, video, graphics, animation, Web stuff, pretty much anything we can think of that will get our point across.

So for MSS 2007, that's what we're doing. Not only will the docs be web-based (and therefore always updatable), we're working on some video demos, some LiveMeeting stuff, end-to-end solutions, as well as new samples and walkthroughs.

This is exciting stuff!

Ok, so it's not exciting. It's tech writing. But these days, tech writing is an umbrella that covers a lot more than just putting words down on paper. And if we can produce something — in whatever form — that helps you get more out of Speech Server, then we've done our job.

So keep checking here and on the website for new doc stuff. And feel free to let us know what you're looking for in terms of doc support. For even if the docs are not the thing, they're still what some of us work on day-in and day-out. And any feedback you can give us will help make them better.

Cup o' Joe
Today, Phil the Coffee Junkie brewed up some Tully's Bambino, a semi-dark blend of a rich smoky, nutty flavor. According to Phil, the taste is achieved by roasting the beans with hazel nut shells over an open wood fire. How does he know this? Don't ask. But don't doubt.

I was enjoying lunch at a local place when I noticed the waitress struggling with the customer tracking software that seems to be the staple of so many restaurants these days. It's all touch-screen, which helps you enter the data faster, assuming you know how to operate the darn thing.

The software keeps track of such data as how much a customer spends on a meal, how long they waited to be seated, and whether or not they order "extras" like appetizers, wine, and desserts. (FACT: Only 17% of patrons order dessert in restaurants, but if they can talk you into it, it's a big money maker).

Talking with the waitress a bit later, I found that she was new to the place and hadn't yet gotten the hang of the new system. But she would, she assured me.

"What if it was speech-enabled?" I asked her.

"You mean if I could talk to it?"

"You could just say 'Party of 4 waited 12 minutes before being seated at Table 6' and the computer would convert your speech into data."

"That'd be like a dream. When's it coming out? I'll be a test driver for you!" She laughed.

I had to tell her that I don't know of any such software, but that it's likely already been invented, or will be in the near future. Anyone who has run a restaurant will tell you that the business is so competitive and so tough that it behooves you to know precisely where your profits are coming from, in what percentages, and from what demographic. But you don't want your waitresses to have to spend valuable time learning new computer skills just to give you the information you need to run your business. As a customer, I don't really care if you get all your data. Just get off the computer and refill my Coke, thank you very much.

And that's where I think we're going with speech-enabled computing. Too many of our daily tasks require an extra layer of computing skills that tend to upset or at least frustrate the average user. Why should your neighbor have to learn about dropcaps and linked text flow just to create a simple flyer for the yard sale? And why should your mom have to follow seven separate "click-this-find-that" steps just to attach a picture to an email?

Speech-enabled computing can help. Emails cross my desk every week about new applications our Speech Server customers are creating. This one lets you use your cell phone to find an empty parking space, that one notifies mobile workmen of their next assignment, the other one tells you exactly what aisle and shelf that Langstrom 7-inch wrench is hidden on in the home warehouse store WITHOUT having to track down someone in an apron.

As I left the restaurant, I smiled at the waitress as she told her co-worker, "That guy's writing a program that'll let us put all this stuff in the computer just by talking to it."

I'm writing it? Now you really are dreaming.

Cup o' Joe
In honor of Major League Opening Day, Phil the Coffee Junkie brewed up some Tully's Baseball Blend. It's a medium roast that's supposed to conjure up images of Ty Cobb and Shoeless Joe turning doubles into triples on a warm spring day. Instead, it provided smooth, rich comfort to a quaintless morning that featured too-brisk wind and too-frosty windows. Almost perfect. Let's Play Ball.

I just hung up the phone on a speech recognition program. I know I shouldn't have done it (bein' as how that's my career field an' all). My parents taught me not to hang up on anyone in the middle of a conversation. I assume that means anyTHING as well. But in my defense, from the program's first prompt, it was obvious that whoever wrote the program just did a wholesale replacement of speech for Touch Tone.

That really frosts me.

Sure, maybe the program is just a placeholder until they get the real speech application built. Maybe the programmer is new to speech app development and just needed to get used to the technology, so he figured, "We've got our legacy DTMF program sitting here. Instead of having people press 1 or 2, I'll have them say 'one' or 'two.' That'll be a safe way to figure out what I'm doing, and it'll buy me some time so I can build an app that really takes advantage of the power of speech recognition."

Maybe.

But having dealt with this particular company before, it's more likely that the programmer was ordered to "put out a speech program as quickly as possible regardless of whether it helps the caller or not. Streamlining we don't care about. Flatten the menu structure? Why bother? Just get the thing built, like, yesterday, so we can claim that we're part of the speech world. We'll send out the press release, and you get to keep your job. Capisci?"

My friends, we can do better
But speech apps should be better than that. When giving my two-minute spiel on the value of speech technology, I often cite its "flatness" potential. That is, instead of requiring the caller to step through miles of menu layers, a good speech recognition app can save you a good deal of time and frustration.

Consider this clunky menu-driven voice app (the name of the business has been changed to protect the guilty):

MACHINE: "Welcome to Circeo's Auto Park. For Sales, press or say 'one.' For Service, press or say 'two.' For Parts, press or say 'three.'"
CUSTOMER: "Two"
MACHINE: "You chose two for Service. For Domestic Service, say 'domestic service.' For Foreign Service, say 'foreign service.'
CUSTOMER: "Foreign service."
MACHINE: "You chose Foreign Service. If you are calling to set up an appointment, say 'appointment.' If your car is currently being worked on, say 'current work item.'"
CUSTOMER: "Current work item."
MACHINE: "Do you have a work order number? Say 'yes' if you have a work order number, or 'no' if you do not have a work order number."
CUSTOMER: "Yes."
MACHINE: "What is your work order number? Please speak slowly and distinctly."
CUSTOMER: "4-5-5-7-2"
MACHINE: "You said, '4-5-7-2.' If this is correct, say 'yes.' If this is incorrect, say 'no.'"
CUSTOMER: "No."
MACHINE: "What is your work order number? Please speak slowly and distinctly."
CUSTOMER: "4-5-5-7-2"
MACHINE: "You said, '4-5-9-7-2.' If this is correct, say 'yes.' If this is incorrect, say 'no.'"
CUSTOMER: "No."
MACHINE: "What is your work order number? Please speak slowly and distinctly."
CUSTOMER: "4-5-5-7-2"
MACHINE: "You said, '4-9-9-7-2.' If this is correct, say 'yes.' If this is incorrect, say 'no.'"
CUSTOMER: "NO! YOU %*#*&@ !!"

...and so on, and so forth.

Now how much better would it be if the app developer put a little time and effort into the call flow?

MACHINE: "Welcome to Circeo's Auto Park. How can we help you today?"
CUSTOMER: "Well, I left my car there at 10 this morning and I'm wondering when it'll be ready."
MACHINE: "Certainly, do you have a work order number?"
CUSTOMER: "Uh, yeah, it's 45572."
MACHINE: "Thanks...I see that your car is right on schedule and that you can pick it up any time after 3 this afternoon. Is there anything else we can do for you?"
CUSTOMER: "Nope. That's it. Thanks."

Not bad, eh? The first example shows a customer getting extremely frustrated talking to little more than a Lost in Space robot. The second example is not only smoother and more effective, it cuts the customer's time on the phone by more than 70%. Now if you've already guessed it, the first example is real and the second example isn't. In fact, I've yet to personally encounter such an efficient speech app as the second one. It would have to be a fairly sophisticated program to pick out keywords in the customer's first sentence and correctly identify the customer's issue.

But that's the idea: speech is different. It's versatile, and a good speech dev treats it that way. That usually means a much flatter program than a traditional DTMF app. Not just for the sake of flattening, mind you. After all, flat doesn't necessarily equate to efficient. But just as I was taught in college to "write tight, and expand only where necessary," we should start each speech app design by trying to "think flat, and deepen only where necessary." If we do, we'll help to advance the technology, cut down on call times and service costs, and consumers the world over will thank us for it.

That is, if their parents taught them right.

Cup o' Joe
"Just got this in today," said Phil the Coffee Junkie, as he opened the fresh package of Delta Ouro. "Check out those beans. Pretty big, and the roast looks darker than the last batch they sent me." I never know what Phil is talking about. He's got this coffee business down cold, and I'm pretty sure I'll never even approach his level of coffee knowledge or appreciation. But after Phil poured me a cup of pure Delta Ouro, even I could see that the deep mahogany color of the bubbles somehow held more flavor than the usual blend. Maybe it was the frost on my window pane. Maybe it was the unusual melancholoy that had accompanied me most of the morning. But this Delta Gold hit me just right. Rich, smooth, mellifluous. It was the perfect companion on a cold winter's day in The Great Northwest.

A few posts ago, I mentioned that I'm working on some end-to-end solutions docs for the next release of Microsoft Speech Server. This will be my big contribution; my innovation. That's a buzzword 'round these parts. Sure, I've got a hundred other things on my plate, some of them interesting, some challenging, some fun (kind of). That's just the way things are in the daily product development grind here in Redmond. You sign on to work for Bill, you get to do lots and lots of work, whether you like it or not. But, for my money, these solutions docs pass the muster on all counts: interesting, challenging, and fun (kind of).

I feel your pain
Most documentation we software tech writers have foisted upon users over the years has been overtly task-based. Got a problem? Look in the Help file. Maybe the answer is there, maybe it isn't. Hey, we wrote these docs before the product even shipped—you can't expect us to anticipate every single corner you're going to back yourself into. If you can't find your answer in the Help file, you can always look in a 3rd party book, search the web, or phone a friend. Could be costly. Good luck.

That didn't work so well. Customers were too often left hanging with no solution to their problem and nowhere to turn. We've come a long way since then. What with online newsgroups, feedback loops, discussion lists, and the like, Microsoft has gotten downright chummy with customers over the past few years. These days, you can get your questions answered 24 hours a day. If your specific problem isn't addressed in the Help doc, it's not such a huge deal anymore. But what about proactive guidance? That's where solutions come in.

Enter: Solutions docs
Now, I'm not saying that these solutions docs are going to be the Alpha and Omega of Help files. They won't be. But they will offer a point of reference for Speech Server customers (new customers in particular), enabling them to identify with a real-world implementation, and maybe, just maybe, hold their hands through the entire "installation-deployment-engineering-tuning" process, ultimately erasing some of the question marks that hover above their heads. Like any good technical docs, the solutions will be replete with diagrams and cross-ref links, and will provide a strong context for customers who want to build their own speech solutions. (Hence, the use of "end-to-end.")

Looks like fun, doesn't it (kind of)? As I said, I've yet to settle on the final outline, so if you have any suggestions for improvements, now's the time to tell me.

Cup o' Joe
With Phil the Coffee Junkie in California all last week, my life was caffeine free, save for the time I helped myself to a cup of Farmer Bros. in the Break Room. Not bad in a pinch, but I'd hate to rely on it for my daily fix. Anyway, Phil is back, and this morning he brewed up a steaming pot of Museum of Delta, which I think is a mixture of a bunch of little Delta (Portuguese) coffee packets — all different flavors, of course.

Result: Full taste with a hint of caramel; slightly bitter, but doesn't dull the senses. Reminiscent of an after dinner libation served in a dimly lit Iberian tasca with small tables and a waitress named Conchita.

For my wife's birthday last week, I took her up in a hot-air balloon. This was her idea, not mine.

Would you like to fly...?
I guess it's a bit ingenuous to say that "I took her up" as though I was manning the balloon. But I did pay for the tickets, and I went along for the ride, so it wasn't like I was incidental to the whole business.

"Are you frightened?" asked a friend the day before the flight.

"Not until you brought it up," I said.

I never really equated ballooning with life-threatening activities such as sky diving, ice climbing, and wearing a Yankees cap at Fenway. But when we got to 3,000 feet and I realized there was nothing between me and the ground but a wicker basket and a few metal clips, I can truly say that I grasped the gravity of the situation. I could have dropped my camera or my baseball cap and they would have been gone. No question about it. No chance for recovery. Just gone. At one point, I leaned over to try to get a good look at the trees, but I felt the basket leaning, so I straightened up and concentrated on the distant mountains instead. My momma didn't raise no fool.

I casually asked the 55-year-old balloon captain with whom I'd entrusted my life for an hour, "So I guess you get people losing water bottles and watches over the side on occasion, eh?"

He looked at me like I was from outer space. "No, never," he said.

Hey, it wasn't like it was a bad question. It could happen. Not that there was any safety lesson to begin with either. You'd think that before you take off, they'd go over a few rules like:

• Don't throw anything overboard or you could hurt someone on the ground and we could get sued
• Don't lean too far over the basket or you could fall out and that tends to smart
• Don't stand too close to the propane tank because when we turn it on every 30 seconds or so, it's DANG HOT!

Nope. No safety lesson. I guess that would tend to detract from the romantic notion of floating off into the blue. It just seems a bit odd to me that in America you can drive down the road in a car surrounded by 2,000 lbs. of corrugated metal and a half-dozen air bags for protection, but if you aren't wearing your canvas seat belt, it's a $118 fine. But go ahead and float half a mile above the world in a balloon with nothing to hold you in but your sense of balance, and that's just fine. No problem at all. Take the kids, why don't you? Go have a great time!

Knots in our landing
About 45 minutes into our flight, I asked the "driver" where we'd be landing. "Looks like...Maltby," he said.

Looks like Maltby? Doesn't he know? Then it struck me just how little control you have over these things. It's just a balloon, man. You ever let a helium-filled balloon go off into the air? It just goes where the wind takes it. And that's what we did.

Still, I knew that the guy was controlling our vertical movement. And it was a really nice day, so I assumed he had a few spots in mind to land. Bad assumption.

We started to descend, but I couldn't see any landing spot and the balloon guy wasn't talking. He was just looking down. For what, I'm still not sure. Long story short, we ended up clipping the top of a 60-foot Evergreen and landing on someone's front lawn. Here's how dumb I am: even after we were down, I figured that the guy knew these people and that they'd had a long-standing agreement that he could land on their lawn if he ever needed to.

Nope. Don't know these people. Never been here before.

I have to say, though, that the natives were friendly. In fact, it was a real novelty for the whole neighborhood. They were racing across their driveways, taking pictures of us with their camera-phones like modern-day Lilliputians. Once we were out of the basket, the balloon ground crew found us and folded up the massive balloon in less time than it takes me to get the air out of my queen-sized air mattress. I saw the driver slip the property owner a bottle of champagne for his trouble, and we climbed into a van and were on our way.

Well...my wife had a good time.

Cup o' Joe
Today's coffee flavor: Cape Foulweather Organic Sumatra
Result: Strong. Smells suspiciously like classic Maxwell House, but the flavor is exquisite, and the aftertaste, amusing.

Can't believe it's been a month since my last post. I have got to start paying attention to my Outlook reminders.

Speech Community site
I do have an excuse, sort of. I actually spent the good part of August piecing together something called the Microsoft Speech Server Community site, which will be a central location for customers to access information and share ideas about Speech Server. The site has sections for newsgroups, blogs, articles, webcasts, downloads, as well as a few other links.

Now, don't get on to me because the site looks rather...um...stoic. I've had a bit of experience designing and building websites, and, while I'm no Vincent Flanders, I do know how to put together a nice looking site. But the MSS Community site is a corporate page, ok? My hands were tied by the stringent internal standards that Microsoft requires for all web pages that appear anywhere south of www.microsoft.com. You got your branding in the top banner, and you got your requisite menu items in the left column, not to mention the entire page's color scheme. Still, it was a long time coming, and I'm glad we finally got it launched. If other similar pages (e.g. Smartphone, Movie Maker, Pocket PC) are any indication, the site will act as a meeting place for our burgeoning community of speech professionals.

So now Speech Server is a community player, at least among Microsoft products. Take a look at the all-new Speech Server Community site when you get a minute.

Heads down
In addition to the Community site, I've been busting it to meet a documentation deadline. Tech writing stuff, you know. When you write docs for a yet-to-be-released product, you're almost always writing ahead of the product. That means you have to write "to spec," with the understanding that the product doesn't actually work to spec at the moment, or even close to spec. So I'm essentially writing about the way the product will eventually work, not the way it works (or doesn't work, as the case may be) right now. And just to make my life a tad more difficult, the spec and product may change halfway through the production cycle, which means that my docs will have to change. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes at the last minute.

I'm not complaining, mind you. I've got a good job and I appreciate the opportunity. But some days require more coffee than others. Today is one of those days.

Cup o' Joe
Today's coffee flavor: Starbuck's Gold Coast and Tupinamba Torrefacto
Result: Light, but it packs a bite. A 4 oz. cup was all I could handle, and I feel like I'm typing about 50% faster than normal.

At 7:00 last night, I was still in my office putting the finishing touches on an article I'm writing for the Speech Server newsletter (Aug 05) titled "4 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before Writing a Speech App." Thankfully, I got it finished, and made it home in time to catch the last of the Cards-Fish game (Fish won 6-5).

About the Author
Because I've been a writer for awhile now, I've had my share of articles published. Over 300 and counting. This is more about longevity than quality. Remember Fred McGriff? He hit 493 lifetime homers, which is a ton of taters. But McGriff wasn't great -- he just hung around a long time. Think of me as the Fred McGriff of tech writers.

The article, which I wrote with the help of the redoubtable dev Walter Isidro, will be out this week. If you're on the Speech Server Newsletter list, you'll get an email about it. If you're not on the list, go here to sign up. Here's a sneak preview:

4 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before Writing a Speech App

What kind of speech application am I going to make? Is it a full-fledged web app? a front-end executable? or maybe just a low-level service that's launched from another application? Determining the type of speech application you will create before you begin will give you an immediate idea of how much work is involved in the project and will keep you from getting off track throughout the development process.

Do I have written specs? In addition to the traditional Requirements Spec, speech projects require two other spec types: the Dialog Spec and the Servicing Spec.

What kind of infrastructure am I building on? Speech apps can place special demands on hardware resources. Because Speech Server is designed for deployments of all sizes, its capacity requirements are set at a reasonable level. But that level can go up depending on your operational goals.

What do I know about developing for Speech Server? Speech Server contains unique APIs that handle Speech-to-Text and Text-to-Speech conversions. It leverages industry standards such as SQL and IIS, as well as speech components like Speech Engine Services and Telephony Application Services.

I know, I know, this is a TechNet blog and I'm supposed to focus on the IT Pro audience rather than developers. But even non-coders can get some value out of the article. I write about making sure you have enough hardware resources to handle your operational needs, as well as the importance of post-deployment tuning. So even if you can't tell Visual Studio from Studio 54, I think you'll still find the article worth reading. And even if you don't, it's only like 1,200 words. Almost nothing. So it's not like you're wasting your whole afternoon. (Hey, I'm trying to scratch out a living here. Humor me.)

Article Series
The word "series" intimidates me a little because it implies a commitment that I'm not comfortable making. But that just verifies my writerness. Remember this: Writers don't like to write; they like to have written. But Microsoft likes commitment, which is why the "4 Questions" article is just the first in a series of 3 or 4 (maybe 5, but definitely not 6) Speech Server articles that I'll be writing for the newsletter. Hopefully, I can get them cranked out in successive months, but you never know. Thankfully, the commitment doesn't require it. That might be enough to send me over the edge. But if you do get around to reading the first article, and if you have any comments, my door is always open.

Cup o' Joe
Today's coffee flavor: Delta Platina (Portugal)*
Result: Rich, smooth, perfect for a mid-afternoon break

*There's a story here: Phil the Coffee Junkie goes online and orders a couple kilos of Delta coffee straight from Portugal. He's all excited because he's remembering how good the Cafe was on his trip to Lisbon a few years back. So here he is in Seattle, waiting for this coffee from Portugal, when he gets a call from the Customs people in Memphis, Tennessee, asking him what he plans to do with a couple kilos of Portuguese coffee. "I plan to drink it," says the venerable Phil. "Ok," they say, "as long as you're just going to drink it," and they let the shipment go through. When the coffee finally arrives, Phil finds out that the shipping charges were double the price of the coffee. All told, he paid something like $60 for 2 kilos of Portuguese coffee. Pricey, to be sure. But I gotta say...it's good sippin'.