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So sometimes people want to know how to get others to read and edit their articles. Well, that's not nearly as interesting to me as how to make sure no one reads and edits your article! So let's list those ways instead! I'm beginning the snark tag...

 

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10. Pick a topic that no one wants to read about. You need to make sure your audience is not passionate about your topic at all. To be on TechNet Wiki, it has to be about Microsoft technologies. But maybe you can write about topics no one cares about, like how to copy and paste in Excel. Actually that might work. Can you help me think of a topic no one wants to read about? Leave it in the comments. Thanks!

9. Make sure the title of your article isn't interesting or descriptive enough. For example, if your topic is called, "Here's a problem in PowerPivot," then I'm sure no one will want to read it, because no one will even know what it's about until they read it! Of course, it breaks the title guidelines, so you'll have to title it "A Problem in PowerPivot" instead. But again, no one will care, so that's perfect!

8. Make sure your title isn't what people would search for. A good way to do that is to not include your product/technology name in the title. Just vaguely refer to the feature name or to text in the error message. Then no one will find your article in search! Isn't that great?

7. Don't include any lists or tables that the community can add to. The community enjoys helping each other with lists like Survival Guides (which are lists to blogs and community videos and info outside of the Wiki), lists of bugs, lists of feature requests, or portals to other TechNet Wiki articles on the topic. So make sure you don't include any of those!

6. Tell no one about your article. Don't blog about it, tweet about, don't email a group of people about the related topic, and make sure you don't link to it in applicable forum threads nor link to it in comments on applicable blogs. Also, similarly...

5. Do not link to your article from other Wiki articles that are related to yours. So there are several types of cross-linking in TechNet Wiki that you'll want to avoid. First, do not link in line. For example, if your topic is "PowerPivot" (an overview) and the word "PowerPivot" is in the article. Don't link the word "PowerPivot" to your article that's about PowerPivot. Similarly, if your article is about using DAX in PowerPivot, don't find articles that mention DAX in PowerPivot, and do not add a parenthetical reference to your article, such as: "(For more information about using DAX in PowerPivot, see Using DAX in PowerPivot.)"

4. Don't include any tags in your article, especially tags on topics that are popular or that people are interested in. Zero tags is the preferrable number, but if you can't manage zero tags, make sure you use as few tags as possible. Otherwise, you'll create multiple ways for people to access and read your article. Oh noes!!!1!

3. Don't write much content. Obviously you want your article to never be valuable, or else people will pass it on to their friends. However, if you have very little content (and no lists to collaborate on), then no one will show it to their friends, will they?

2. Do not synergize with blogs, Gallery, Forums, or CodePlex. (Click each link for specific examples of how not to synergize with your TechNet Wiki article.)

1. Do not ask anyone to help you. Don't ask for help reviewing, writing, or editing your article. Otherwise you'll instantly get more views and edits, right? Yuck! Who wants that?

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Do you have any other ideas of how to make sure no one reads or edits your TechNet Wiki articles?

Luigi had a good point in the comments. There are geniune ways to cut down on edits on your article. Use a "Work in Progress" template at the top of your article. Maybe you don't want people to add much content while you're still writing it.

Please leave more ideas in the comments below. I'll add them to this blog. And as you can probably tell, snarkiness is welcome!

   - Ninja Ed (Blog, Twitter, Wiki, Profile)