Ward Pond's SQL Server blog

Ruminating on issues pertinent to the design and development of sound databases and processes under Microsoft SQL Server 2008, SQL Server 2005, and SQL Server 2000 (while reserving the right to vent about anything else that's on my mind)

So.. *This* Is How Twitter Gets People Into Trouble..

So.. *This* Is How Twitter Gets People Into Trouble..

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Consider this post a parable about what can happen if you let Twitter into your life..

I spent part of my day researching a particular capability of the TechSmith Camtasia Studio software my colleague Venkata Raj Pochiraju has been using to record readiness materials for our upcoming SQLRAP 2.5 release.  I made what I thought to be an innocent tweet regarding this activity:

sqltwit playing with Camtasia for building SQLRAP readiness content.. pretty interesting stuff..

Imagine my surprise to find this in my TweetDeck a couple of hours later:

sqlfool @sqltwit so here it is... Ward's RAP: http://sqlfool.com/2009/04/wards-rap.

Well, you definitely need to click the link and read Michelle’s “Ward’s RAP.”

It’s funny.  Actually, it’s hysterical.

So hysterical it cannot go unanswered.

In perhaps my most dubious use of company bandwidth yet, I hereby present, with apologies to.. well..  everyone..

Michelle’s RAP

Yo yo yo..  correlated wait stats in the house!

My name’s Michelle Ufford, and I’m so cool
I self-identify as “The SQL Fool”
System table posters I’ve been known to hoard
And I still design schema on a dry-erase board
I normalize and optimize and make a decent living
I recompile on Arbor Day and DBCC on Thanksgiving
I’m the one fool to call when you’re fragmented or unclustered
I’ll bring processes and practices that really cut the mustard

Yo yo yo..  I found a new DEE EMM VEEEEEE!
(TEE HEE HEEEE (Tee Hee Hee (tee hee hee))
NEW DEE EMM VEEEEEE!)

Without feeling discomforted or ill at ease
I make public spectacle of my expertise
I blog and I Facebook and I speak and I tweet
And I drop Caucasian rap with a stuttering beat
I’ve presented at the Iowa Camp for Code
I’ve got an abstract in at PASS about Super Bowl load
I’ve even done a Webcast for the Pain-of-the-Week
Face it, all you posers!  I’m the über-she-geek!

Yo yo yo..  have you heard this SQL 2008 noise?
There’s new data types in here, man!
Hierarchical?  Not farcical..
Filestream?  A she-geek’s dreeeeaaaaam!

So I blogged and I tweeted and I generally took lightly
A fine product offering that Ward works on daily and nightly
The SQL Risk Assessment Program is that of which I speak
(A SQL RAP will help your instances run at their def peak)
I exploited the homonym of the acronym and the rap
To give a fellow Twitterato a bit of good-natured crap
Now I’ve learned my lesson; I hit a nuke with rubber bands
I fired my rappin’ pop-gun; now Armageddon’s on my hands!

Yo yo yo..  I’ve got a broken forwarding chain here, man..
I need that DEE EMM VEEEEEE!
(TEE HEE HEEEE (Tee Hee Hee (tee hee hee))
NEW DEE EMM VEEEEEE!)

Aw man!  It’s in master.
I got stuff to do.
I’m out, man.

So..  this is how Twitter gets people into trouble..

-wp


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Comments
  • Wow!  I have been SO out-classed in the SQL rap category.  That was hysterical!  Thanks, Ward, you just made my day! :)

  • OMG!!!  I am howling!!!  All y'all have soitenly gotten me beat.  So to speak...

  • Ward in the hizouse!!!!  Sit by the phone, because Def Jam should be calling any day!

  • You don't have to work with her.......

  • Ward gets extra points for mentioning Armageddon. I don't listen to rap much but it seems to me it's mentioned in a handful of songs. Plus Nuke.

    That was great, though.

  • What's all the fuss?  This is funny?  As one of Michelle's coworkers, I've got to say that this thread reads like a bio compared to the Wild Awesomeness that is the Real Michelle Ufford.  

    Extra kudos for capturing her natural style of speech.  You would not BELIEVE how often we have to ask her to tone down the m4d wurd poemz.

    <we are the rap, the go daddy rap

    we're talkin 2u so don't take no nap>

    i think she'll perform the rest of that at the iowa code camp next weekend.

  • I’ll say one thing for Michelle Ufford, the SQL Fool : she’s not one to leave a good idea on the table,

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