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Ho, ho, ho! Merry Techmas!
Have you been good boys and girls this year? Providing you’ve been on your very best behaviour, Father Techmas wants to hear from you. We’d like to see your Techmas technology wish list, and the three funniest efforts will win a copy of Office Professional Plus 2010. Be warned, though - Father T is a tough chap to impress – in fact he told me he thinks developers are much funnier than IT professionals. But what does he know? Prove him wrong in 200 words or less by 16th December, and we’ll let you know the next day if you tickled his fancy enough to win. Don’t forget to check out the terms and conditions below (yawn).
Letters to Father Techmas Competition Terms and Conditions
1. ELIGIBILITY: This competition is open to UK residents who are 18 years of age or older at the time of entry. Employees of Microsoft or its affiliates, subsidiaries, advertising or promotion agencies are not eligible, nor are members of these employees’ families (defined as parents, children, siblings, spouse and life partners).
2. TO ENTER: To enter post your letter to Father Techmas in the blog’s comments box . The person submitting the funniest letter, as selected by three judges, will win a copy Office 2010 Professional Plus. Only one entry per person will be accepted. Incomplete, damaged, defaced or illegible entries may be deemed invalid at the sole discretion of Microsoft. Entry constitutes full and unconditional acceptance of these Terms and Conditions. Microsoft reserves the right to disqualify anyone in breach of these Terms and Conditions.
3. TIMING: This competition runs from 9 December The closing date of this competition is 5pm GMT 16 December 2010. Completed entries must reach Microsoft no later than the closing date.
4. USE OF DATA: Personal data which you provide when you enter this competition will not be used for future Microsoft UK marketing activity.
5. SELECTION OF WINNER: Three judges will select their favourite letter from all the entries and the winner will be notified by email on 17 December 2010 by 6pm GMT. The winners may be required to become involved in further publicity or advertising.
6. PRIZE: The prize is one copy of Microsoft Office Professional Plus with an estimated retail price of £330.00. Prize as stated and non-transferable. No cash or other alternatives available. Microsoft reserves the right to substitute a prize of equal or greater value. The prize will be dispatched within one week of the competition’s closing date. Prize may be considered a taxable benefit and the winner will be directly responsible for accounting for any tax liability arising on their prize.
7. WINNERS LIST: The winner consents to their surname being made publicly available. The winner’s surname will be available for a period of 3 weeks after the closing date by emailing email@example.com
8. OTHER: No correspondence will be entered into regarding either this competition or these Terms and Conditions. In the unlikely event of a dispute, Microsoft’s decision shall be final. Microsoft reserves the right to amend, modify, cancel or withdraw this competition at any time without notice.
9. Microsoft cannot guarantee the performance of any third party and shall not be liable for any act or default by a third party. Participants in this promotion agree that Microsoft will have no liability whatsoever for any injuries, losses, costs, damage or disappointment of any kind resulting in whole or in part, directly or indirectly from acceptance, misuse or use of a prize, or from participation in this promotion. Nothing in this clause shall limit Microsoft’s liability in respect of death or personal injury arising out of its own negligence or arising out of fraud.
Dear Father Techmas
One of these days i would like to work for Microsoft and walk in with my new ipad I got for Christmas and BYOC plug it into docking keyboard and screen and begin work
I love you and have been a very good boy
"What's up Rudolf?" asked Father Techmas. "Its no good, I can't do it anymore!" cried Rudolf, starting to sob. "Why my dear chap, whatever's that matter?" ask Father T consoling his great chum. "Its all the Azure presents, they're ruining our traditional delivery service, its just no fun anymore." "Don't worry Rudolf, they're always be a place for Techmas presents". "Yes, there will, but they'll be coming out of the cloud - we're doomed". "Oh" said Father Techmas, "I hadn't thought of that".
They both promptly vanished in the realisation that they were obsolete.
Daer Fthaer Tehmcas,
I rcenelty dscioreved the phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, wichh aoccdrnig to a rscheearechr at Cmabrgide Uinervtisy, shwos taht it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. No wnoder I don't crae aobut bieng a good spleler !
Wtih tihs in mnid, I wuold lkie for crihsmtas :
3) A Wnidwos 7 Pohne wtih Agnry Brids
2) A 100 uesr Wnidwos Azrue Lciesne
1) And a Pratgirde in a Paer Tere
Mr Benjamin Franklin.
In my first year of working
my company gave to me
an ICL OPD
In my second year of working
a version of Lotus123
In my third year of working
I changed my company
and got my first IBM PC
A few years more of working
my company gave to me
the first version of Windows NT
A few years more of working
a Y2K deadline looming suddenly!
(I was contracting so many pounds sterling replaced five gold rings!)
the first version of Windows XP
A Christmas cake and a bottle of Gin!
In my twenty second year of working
an Android phone that simply didn’t PUSH
an iPhone4 that simply doesn’t PRINT
Need to change jobs for the final verse…
In my next year of working
I hope my company will give to me
a Windows Phone 7 from HTC…. or Samsung or any manufacturer will be fine!
I'm a man of simple pleasures, and the one thing I'd like for Christmas isn't a gadget, it isn't software and it isn't even a Christmas party knee-trembler with Judith from sales. I'm not normally the begging type, but please please please can you arrange it for IE9 to entirely eliminate all previous versions of IE in the year 2011? If you could arrange that you would be crowned Microsoft king of the world by thousands of grateful web developers. Perhaps this is too much to ask, but a man can dream can't he?
Failing that, a Windows Phone 7 would be nice ;-)
I admit I am getting on a bit, and I realise that times are hard, but I just wondered if there was any chance that this year I could get something a little different to the apple, orange and piece of coal that you normally leave me under the Christmas tree. You have not left me anything different since I was 5 years old! You leave perfectly acceptable gifts for the rest of the family. (Though I do admit that I have occasionally noticed that my name has been crossed out on their tags and another one inserted.)
The apple stopped working in January, I can never get a signal on the orange and the piece of black (berry) is so SLOW and with keys so small, I just find it hard to see them these days.
I was rather wondering if I just might be able to listen to some Mozart this year or get a Trophy of my very own. I am a very Optimustic person and I am trying to appeal to your better nature.
I will try to be good.
Dear Father Techmas,
Clippy: "It looks like you're writing a begging letter. Would you like help?"
Note if this comment tells you anything, it proves I need an Office upgrade!!!!!
I'm a Tech fan and I have 4 different OS installed on my PC
Windows 7 Ultimate, Windows XP Professional, Ubuntu 9.10, and Mac Snow Leopard
Sorry for installing Mac on my PC, but unfortunately about 1% of our clients use this thing and more unfortunately my boss who pays me he uses Mac so I have to take care of them and run programs on a Mac native...
My company once wanted to buy me a Mac but I said I would probably turn it into a Windows PC anyway...
End of my story and here comes my list:
1. A software that will bring world peace
2. MicroSoft hires me as CHO (Chief HumorResource Officer not Chief HumanResource Officer)
3. All MS product free of use for a life time
4. When I wake up tomorrow, windows experience index score shows 7.9
Hope this list is not too greedy and wishing you all a Merry X'mas and a Successful New Year!
Merry christmas everyone and a Happy new year........
so thinking back over the many years i have worked in ICT in one way or another and thinking what could i wish for????
1. software to combat the I.D.10.T user error
2. a £100,000 pay rise this year - well if a football player is worth it why not us techies lol
3. free comedy gig tickets after all dealing with grumpy users suffering for the I.D.10.T illness we can all do with a good laugh. (I'm sure i have read somewhere that the I.D.10.T illness is worse than MAN FLU and it spreads quickly especially before and after holiday periods away from work).
4.time to do everything everyone demands of me plus the million other jobs i already have to do as part of my job plus find time to have a break and bring world peace and happyiness to all
5. finally to guest appear in an episode of family guy or american dad with bill gates, russell howard, lee evans, jet li and jason statham - I'm not sure why i'm wishing for this just love the show's and i could just imagine with the comedy genius and those celebrities it would just be one very funny show....
hope to see somthing special from Microsoft 2011 keep up the good work guys and have a crafty chocolate and drink and enjoy christmas
This year I have mostly been good. I have fixed many, many server failures, installed the first 2008 servers within the server team; pushed the rest of my team to use server 2008 in new projects; trained my team in server 2008, and dealt with numerous major issues relating to lesser technologies, all while bringing child number 3 into this world. However, I have also blown a car up, crashed another, crashed a lot of servers, and crashed a trolley through a wall at work.
A lot of crashes for sure! You must know what that’s like, as I know you crashed last year. I know you crashed, because you didn’t bring me anything and I was so good all year. Maybe you should put your service into the cloud? This would prevent crashes stopping your deliveries, and with global replication you could drop all your presents off in one location and sit back and eat a few mince pies while they replicate round the globe. Please put my servers into the cloud too. They will be too high up for me to reach them and cause them to crash.
Thank you in anticipation
Richard, Infrastructure Engineer
Dear Mother Techmas
Yes I know it should be Father Techmas but everyone knows its easier to get round a Mother then wait until your Father gets home.
As for this Xmas letter lark, I've been a really good girl this year and bought some techie stuff for the home to help look after you. I've bought an Acti-Fry and cooked you a proper mean crispy chip with no oil saving your waistline and we all know that both Mother Techmas and Father Techmas have huge belts holding up huger trousers.
Then there is the tri-blade blender just like Windows 7 one tool for the job, it blends nicely into anything you choose to chuck at it, it chops strips off Vista, and it whisks into operation within seconds.
And last but no means I got you the automatic vacuum cleaner just like an Apple device plug it in, do nothing and it just works. No fuss,no bother.
So thinking of all the tech I got you surely I deserve a nice copy of Office Pro Plus, how about it please or do I really need to groval to Dear PC World Techmas.
Have you lost weight? Been working out? Your looking great!
Whilst on the subject of looking great, I was putting on my onesie pyjamas a few days ago and thought "hmm, what would I dearly love for Christmas?". Well my friend I did have a few ideas...
1. An iPad style tablet with Windows 7 on (because that would make me uber l33t with my friends)
2. Wireless electricity. I don't care how it works but wouldn't that be the coolest?
3. A Windows 7 Phone capable of teleporting the person using it to any destination pinned on Bing Maps.
So how about it? Can you sort a brother out? Did I mention I love you?
Thank you muchly.
Another year disappears and I find myself writing to *you* for the first time. Shocking, eh? For my earliest years of life I thought you went by a different name, wore a velvet suit and flew about with reindeer. Then I had the dream dashed... Should’ve known really – reindeer can’t fly!
I’ve now found the truth! 19 years after being told Santa was created by a fizzy drinks manufacturer I find out you exist. For a tech and gadget freak I feel stupid for not knowing about you until now!
Anyway, to the point. I wanted to assure you I’ve behaved this year! You won’t be aware of this as any methods you have for watching me would have proved unfruitful - with ForeFront products deployed Microsoft’s security products have kept out anything I’m not aware of.
I do admit to the odd BOFH-style thought crossing my mind – but that’s as far as it goes. I’m a professional after all! So now you know I’ve been good, could I be cheeky and tell you I’d love to find a shiny new Windows 7 laptop on Techmas morning?
PS – Will leave you a tipple out Techmas Eve!
I have been a very good Systems administrator this year and feel like I deserve a little Chrissy present from you.
I have worked hard all year to upgrade and improve the network I inherited with a few late nights thrown in for good measure.
Fitting in patch Tuesday’s around an already tight schedule keeping all the computers lovely jubbly.
Fighting off users malware or infections from the “Click me you’ve won £20 million” attachment or the 1GB download that is not really business related!
Sympathising with users when their computer is not starting but equally understanding of their IT knowledge when explaining that it’s not plugged in.
Attend “Important” meetings
Making the experience of in the office at home access or on a train or from my phone just work!!
Oh and keeping the network documentation, router and firewall config’s, Visio diagrams, backups, testing, quotes and purchasing, configuring, imagining, deploying and your knowledge all up to date so the end users can sleep easily knowing that the IT guy loves them all and will be in tomorrow to keep their internet and email life support system fully functional.
So big guy, do the right thing.
I hope that I've been good enough to appear on the nice list...
I've survived a large IT project rollout, completed all the necessary training, and haven't screamed/shouted/swore at or killed any of our staff when they ask the same stupid question 5 days in a row...
Please, for Christmas, may I have a 7inch Windows (7) tablet that I can read books on.
I already have Office 2010 (which is much better than Office 2007), and I'm taking the MOS tests as they appear.
Even if you're unable to give me my wished for gift, please visit as I'll be leaving my regular food/drink out for you.