Blog du Tristank

So terrific that 3 of 4 readers rated it "soporific"

Reflections

Reflections

  • Comments 6
  • Likes

It's MSPoll time here - the time at which the 'softies get to tell the bosses way up the org chart how they're feeling.

Those looking for a mini-msft style discourse here will be disappointed; I did use Mini's advice, though, and use at least the period of the survey for some reflection.

There's a bunch of stuff happening with my role that means that it's frankly not as appealing as it once was. Don't get me wrong - I love this job, I just can't see myself doing it three years from now.

When first I got here, I was superboy. An agent for change. That Crazy Guy. No problem was insurmountable, no task too big to take on. But I think my edge dulled over time. Maybe I got more political, or just barnacular. Actually, my new team might still think I'm crazy, but probably in a creepy, sinister sort of way rather than a loud, happily obnoxious kind of way. Maybe both on a good day.

For so long now, I've been defined by my role, and that's the yardstick by which other humans are judged; I haven't been doing a job so much as living it. In the Good Old Days, there was a palpable, visceral thrill to doing what I do, amplified by the thrill of doing it for Microsoft.

But at the end of the day, I have to be doing this for me.

Two poignant posts:

Yeah, I'm going somewhere with this - to save you the suspense (I know, I'm a crappy writer), I'm not quitting. I'm thinking of moving out.

Pros:

  • Control of the server (hackability!)
  • More content flexibility

Cons:

  • Paying for the server (my DSL connection isn't stable enough to self-host)
  • Loss of mothership air cover

My ideal model is something like Rory's, only with fewer comics, less humour and no actual skill per se. I'm an argumentative, happily angrily loudly obnoxiously distracted person that tends to swear more than is necessary in real life*, but by golly gosh, I have enough passion for two and a half small-to-mid-sized quiet, book-reading people; I want to channel some of that passion into something I own.

So, ebtdf.com (.ingsoon)...?

* (ooh, an actual asterisk with note) er, when you get to know me; I'm otherwise painfully shy and private.

Comments
  • hmmm...Agent for change you say...I have this amazing energy and the 'fight the good fight, best for the company' thing at my current job as well. The place I work is amazingly political and I found that after expending a ton of energy, I just got beat to hell and nothing really changed. It makes me sad because I feel I truly tried, but they had the numbers. Now I sit in the corner and just do what is asked of me, which isn't bad, I love to code and will probably always be happy if I am coding. But things could have just been so much better...It's funny because when I first got hired, there was a person similar to me, who expended the same energy and got as far as I did. Which means nowhere. He was at the point I am now when I first started my charge, and I remember him shaking his head and wishing me luck. I remember thinking 'wait, he'll see, it will be different this time'....

    Anyhow, no matter what anyone tells you, you are the man ;)

  • I sit here scratching my (designer) stubble and re-heated 'peperoni on thin pizza' wondering why is it that I know 'barnacular' without having to look it up?!  Although I have to ask is EBTDF going to support your gaming habit in any way?

  • Bob: Certainly *a* man. If you're calling me The Man, perhaps that's why I'm having this minor identity crisis? :)

    Dugie: Um, I'm not sure! Just quietly, I'm hoping to make enough from my other web ventures (which I might actually mention at some point) to fund the hosting.

    I do love gaming, but I've pretty much exhausted the 360 titles I've been immediately interested in, and I'm turning back to development as a spare time filler.

    PS Designer stubble ams win.

  • > My ideal model is something like Rory's, only with fewer comics, less humour and no actual skill per se.

    That's good, because Rory is batshit insane.

  • In a good way (imho) :)

  • all true and correct - but don't say it out loud. You'll be beaten mercilessly for it...

Your comment has been posted.   Close
Thank you, your comment requires moderation so it may take a while to appear.   Close
Leave a Comment